Trying to Stay Afloat
by three-legged-fairy
Summary: My first fanfiction, set in AU season 1, Peyton Sawyer's brother died in a horrific car accident, trying to save their younger sister Isobel, and Peyton knows who hit him, but can she keep it secret? Rated T for self-halm and language


**Hi. So, this is my first fanfic, and I am slightly terrified, but oh well. I figure I should probably introduce myself, I'm Louise Early, but everyone calls me Lou. This story is mainly written in first person, but the flashbacks will be in third, hope that isn't to confusing! I hope you like this... Here we go!**

Chapter 1 – Finding Myself

Have you ever just sunk beneath the water? Any water, really. A bath, a sink, a swimming pool – whatever, have you just tried to drown it all out? It works, if you were wondering. It's a temporary release... until the burning starts. Your lungs start craving oxygen, you find yourself hardly being able to feel your body, but you still want to do it again the next day, to release the emotional pain, changing it into something physical. I wouldn't recommend you try it, maybe that makes me a hypocrite, but if I were you, I'd take the advice.

Still, I don't know how much longer I can take this, this hell that I have the pleasure of calling my life. I mean, sure, there are moments in life – those moments you want to hold on to forever, the ones you want to never end, but those moments – they don't seem to happen often to me. I'm the girl who has to practically plaster a semi-cheerful face on every morning, and I'm still the 'emo'. I'm the girl who only the closest of friends have the slightest idea of who I really am, but they've only heard the blurb to my life. I'm the girl who doesn't have a clue what she's doing with her life half the time. I'm Peyton Sawyer – welcome to my life.

x-x-x

My best friend, Brooke, she is the cheeriest, most energetic person I have ever met. She can even manage to put a smile on _my _face, and that's a marathon challenge on its own. My other best friend – and boyfriend – Nathan Scott, is the only other person who can make that happen, I know that I've won the huge jackpot with my friends and when I'm with them, nothing's as bad as it was.

I remember only a few months ago – before the summer holidays - everything was peachy. I wasn't like how I am now, I was happy. And then it happened; it was a stupid accident. I could do nothing to stop it, not at the time - it was unstoppable, and now my brother is dead.

"_Izzy!" A curly-haired blonde girl screamed the name as the car came screeching around the corner. "Derek! Do something!"_

_Her words weren't necessary though, the boy was already sprinting towards the petite girl stood transfixed in the middle of the road, he managed to push her out of the way just in time as he was flung over the bonnet of the car, that didn't stop as he went flying ._

I saw who was driving, I know whose fault it is really, but I can't tell anyone. And it's killing me. I feel alone in my own family. At least I still have my baby sister Izzy, I guess. But even she's been different since it happened, blaming herself blah-de-blah-blah. It's not her fault though, not at all.

Speak of the devil and the devil shall arrive, eh?

"What do you want?" I know my words are harsh. I know that she's only fifteen, and confused out of her mind, but at the moment I don't care.

"I wanted to know if we could talk." She asked me. My sister is short, with curly brown hair and big green eyes, just like mine.

"Not now. I'm busy"

"But you're not doing anything."

"Yes I am, Isobel. It's called not talking to you. Can you leave now please?"

"Ok." She turned around closing my door.

I instantly felt bad, and regretted it, what if it was something important? "Izzy!" I called after her. "Hang on, come back." She came back in and I patted the bed for her to sit next to me. She did. "What's up baby sis?"

"I was actually wondering if you'd lend me Nathan to do the Bad Boys thing."

I laughed. Derek and my cousin Julian, always said that when Izzy got a boyfriend, Derek would answer the door, baseball bat in hand and say 'shoot, how old are you!' then Julian would come down the stairs with another bat and say 'want me to shoot him' or something like that. I've never seen the movie so I don't know entirely what they were planning. Then it clicked. Izzy wanted to borrow Nathan for the Bad Boys thing, which meant...

"You have a boyfriend." I said, smiling slightly.

"Yeah..." she blushed.

"You need to fill me in, little sis. Name."

"Shane Wood." She said, barely audible. But I heard alright.

"You are NOT going out with Shane Wood!" I jumped up, my blood boiling.

"Why not?" she asked. She looked so innocent; she obviously hasn't heard the rumours.

"He's a man-whore, end of."

"Oh! Not that Shane Wood. Eww, he's like, in college. That's disgusting, it's the same age gap as me and Der..." her voice trailed off, and I looked away. I couldn't see her eyes start to well up, it would kill me. Her breath getting sharper was killing me enough.

"Ok, Iz. That's ok. But it's getting late, you should get some sleep."

I kissed her on the forehead, and watched her leave. I said it before, but I didn't think I meant it. I can't do this anymore. I can't stay in this house. I gotta go, I can't take it.

**So. It's short. I'm sorry bout that. R&R pleaassseeee xxx**


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